I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
