She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
