The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
