Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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