My Higher Power is John Stamos
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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