I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
