Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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