Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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