If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
