I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
