He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
