About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
