totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
