Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
