***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
