what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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