perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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