Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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