Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize