Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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