:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i think i have two assholes
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
