Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
