The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
