just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
