Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
