you guys were way drunker than both of me
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
