True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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