I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
