Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
