the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Welp...herpes.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
