So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
