he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
