That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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