He is such a slut. More and more my type.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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