very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Randomize
