She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
