Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I need water and some morals
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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