Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
