Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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