I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
