i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
smell my finger.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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