and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
