yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
