i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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