just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
