its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
