Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
