All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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