Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
