you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
