If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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