I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
