**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
