Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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