Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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