Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
