Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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