i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
