Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Are we still banned from the library?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
