I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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