there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Randomize
