Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
