Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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