please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
