I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
