Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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