I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
