dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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