i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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