The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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