I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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