dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wish you could order shots online.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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