Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
