I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
