Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
