And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
