Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
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im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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