Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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