I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
